Cabeceo


Cabeceo is the art of eye contact. I came across the term and concept in tango, but it’s applicable to the art of pickup in general.

Cabeceo means, make eye contact with the girl before actually asking her to dance. And get a permission/approval, with eyes, before asking permission to dance verbally. The history of it, it seems, is that Argentinian culture is very macho and if you ask the wrong person to dance at the salon, you may end up dead, and also if the woman rejects your request to dance, that is an irrecoverable blow to your social credit and reputation. So in that culture there could not be a “no” to asking to dance – negotiate beforehand, and if it is a “no”, then do not ask at all. Seems fair and sophisticated.

Now, in America people don’t care about these things so much. A woman can ask a man to dance (never in Argentina!), and it’s completely normal for a guy to be rejected. But the concept, with modifications, still translates in a useful and meaningful way to American culture. Let’s say you strongly prefer that the girl initiates eye contact with you[T]. Now if you pursue 10 girls out of the blue, maybe one or less than one will express interest in you. From my experience, you cannot meaningfully initiate every contact, especially a cold one, without eye contact first. You’ll get burned out, and you’ll be spending time in a non-meaningful way. Having this initial contact, the cabeceo, is half the battle. Already you are in the top 10% chance-wise, and you know you have a chance, maybe 50% or more chance of laying her.

So when going out in real life to practice the art of pickup, first make sure that she’s interested in you, then do literally everything else. It should be fairly obvious. Your success rate should be very, very high with that.

Next, we’ll talk about online vs in-real dating, which is more efficient and which is cheaper (spoiler: in-real is the winner). We’ll also talk about specific locations where to practice the art of pickup in the real.

-=—– footnotes
T – or initiates a conversation, but if she initiates a conversation with you, it seems a simpler case of the same. So let’s cover if she initiates eye contact and not conversation.

How to use tinder

Since recruiting and dating is so similar, I would like to discuss dating methodologies, with the intent of drawing correlations between them and the methodologies in recruitment.

tinder works okay sometimes, and not okay some other times. Tinder is in active development, so its being optimized for being a better tool for meeting people. Tinder subscription cost depends on where you sign up. Sign up for it while youre on vacation in Brasil, and it will cost you 10 times less than if you do it in usa.

tinder works well for gorgeous promiscuous women. An average guy in denver or san jose may be disadvantaged on the platform. Diminishing returns play a role here: top 1% attractive people get absolutely most of the action. So an average guy doesnt get any.

Tinder works great abroad, when traveling, for meeting local girls. That is how i use it. I do not use it in usa, its a waste of my time.

lets discuss the basic strategy for using tinder in usa for an average guy. Since its a waste of time, lets focus on speed optimization. Dont look at peoples pictures, that will only make you feel bad. Instead, swipe right like 20-30 times, without looking, and put the app away. If you match with an ugly chick or a trans, no worries, unmatch them. The idea is to just get the people who like you. Make them come to you, do not come to them. Tinder will say if there is anyone who likes you. If there is, swipe right until you find them. If there isnt, dont waste your time, go check reddit or whatever. Once you get a match, proceed.

say hello. Literally: hello! Dont waste your time thinking of an opening line. If she doesnt respond in 1 day, unmatch her. Dont waste your time. If she replies, pick one topic and talk about it. “What do you do for fun?” “What city are you in?” “How long have you lived in the area?” “The second pic is in Italy, i recognize the place!” – whatever. Talk about that briefly until youre bored, which is minimal time.

the next idea is to get a date as quickly as possible. Dont waste your time. After the 1st topic is done, assuming she replies, tell her “do you wanna grab coffee?” If you have a better date idea, all the better! Movie, museum, go-kart racing, any event you wanted to go to. Schedule the meeting, say “whats your phone number?” And be on your way to meet her.

this tutorial ends at the meeting step. If you meet her, thats a successful tinder interaction.

if she doesnt respond to your message for a day, unmatch her. This will unmatch 90% of the people, and that is fine. You can probably schedule a date within 24 hours of matching. If not – unmatch her, do not waste your time.

this strategy should occupy you for about 15-30min daily, and result in some dates. If not – abandon tinder. Use Coffee Meets Bagel, its a better daring app.

do not elaborate on your tinder profile! One sentnce description. One good picture. Thats all you need to match with people.